“If you’re not moving forward, you’re falling behind” has never been more true then in the lifestyle. Single men DM me asking for tips all the time and saying the lifestyle isn’t being “fair” to them. Fair? The lifestyle is perfectly fair, those that bring their A game succeed, so go find your A game.
Don’t misunderstand this post to simply be referring to getting fit, although that is always a positive thing. You have to be interesting, charismatic, personable, and bring something unique to the table. That couple you reached out to? You were the 37th guy to DM them that day, they’ll get another 24 tomorrow…and 32 the next day. What sets you apart? If you don’t have an answer to that question, neither do they.
You also need to take a moment for introspection and determine if being a bull is actually what you want. If you’re just horny and trying to get laid that’s fine, but don’t pursue couples if that’s all it is for you, that’s a waste of their time and your time. This lifestyle is about fantasy fulfillment, if that’s not something you innately understand, you will not do well.
The most common mistake I see guys making is misunderstanding what the dynamic is to begin with, they approach it like they’re trying to pickup single women. You’re approaching an established couple that has been fantasizing and discussing this for a looooong time, they know exactly what they want and what they do not want.
If they reply to you, congratulations you passed the most preliminary of their requirements, don’t immediately fumble the ball by pretending the husband/boyfriend isn’t important. Odds are high it’s going to be the husband screening you by himself before the wife even knows you exist, act accordingly.
Another important point here is if it bothers you that the husband will be so involved, you shouldn’t be a bull, full stop. This is a couples kink, on the extreme end some may even fantasize about things like the bull “stealing” the wife away, but remember this is kink, at the end of the day they love each other and will be going home together. If you make it weird, they have no place for you in their relationship.
“Be cool, don’t be weird” is a common bit of advice I throw out that a lot of guys have problems interpreting, so I’ll go into details;
- Don’t assume you know what they want – They know what they want, so ask them. If you try and impose your fantasy on their relationship that’s the quickest ticket possible to being blocked.
- Communicate like it’s your job – Find out what their preferences and boundaries are, share what yours are. Solicit feedback to find out what worked and what didn’t, adjust in the future accordingly. If you promise something, deliver on it. The couple likely has several experiences of guys being flaky and big talkers, don’t be like them.
- Be Confident – Nothing is as unsexy as desperation, and it’s an easy thing to spot. This is all about self-confidence and since I’m not you, I’m afraid I can’t tell you what the pillars of your self-confidence will be; but I highly recommend as a general quality of life investment you go find out and build them up.
- The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth – Be honest about your experience, your pictures, and what you’re comfortable doing. These are not things you can hide long-term, and once you violate their trust it’s gone forever. On the topic of pictures, dear lord learn to take better pictures! Close up dick pics in harsh lighting by themselves never look good, stop that. Here’s a secret, having nothing but up-close photos says you’re unconfident in the rest of your appearance, unconfident people don’t fuck well.
- Know how to hold a conversation – Comfortable silence is for people you’ve known a long time and trust, when trying to build a brand new relationship silence can simply come across as awkward. So have things to talk about, if you don’t have things to talk about, go find them.
- No alpha / dominant attitude – I realize this sounds funny coming from me, but nuance is key. I specifically play with couples that have an interest in their bull also being an experienced dominant, that isn’t a universally desired thing for couples. Even in my situation such an attitude is reserved to the bedroom and playful banter after the relationship is established. Meeting the couple for the first time at a restaurant is exactly the wrong time to be that guy.
These are really the key points in my opinion for a perspective bull, everything beyond that you need to learn from experience. Feel free to add any additional questions in the comments